I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The Olympian is in my bed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
