Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
