me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
