I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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