he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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