we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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