yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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