Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
bring money and cleavage
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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