I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
