Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
