i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
