Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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