She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
