the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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