Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
