I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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