conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
