Im at strip club and am horny
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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