I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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