im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
