you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
