Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
