were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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