if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
