It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
