There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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