Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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