the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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