Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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