dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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