ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
