in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
