Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
