Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
