I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
