yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
