Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
