420 ftw
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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