I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
