...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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