wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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