Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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