Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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