how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
