i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
