Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
