Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
