This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
