...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
