If i come over, it means nothing
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
