You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
